Everything In Between

Got up somewhere around one o’clock in the afternoon today because I got a phone call from someone, though I don’t remember who. I believe it was my mother. In any event, I figured I’d stay awake and see if I could start the day, late as it was.

I went online and killed some time, trying to continue drinking as much as possible so as to stave off my sinus cold. Danica arrived at the front door (she didn’t buzz me this time) at around three in the afternoon. She brought me leftovers from her dinner last night with Randy, a chicken and roasted pepper sandwhich with a side salad. It became my breakfast.

The day felt like an uneventful one to me. I spent time on Orkut pretending that I’m not lonely. That was sort of a bust, though I am impressed with my evident wit, even if some of it probably comes off sounding asshole-ish.

Noteworthy Interactions with Danica

One major noteworthy interaction I had with Danica today came in the form of a few lines exchanged between us in the afternoon. We were both sitting silently at our computers, right after I finished writing my “Why I Don’t Take Medications for My Bipolar Disorder” post. Then she spoke up and said that she had read my entries, complimenting me on their quality.

I thanked her. Then she said that something Blondzila had written in my blog was bothering her. Blondzila had mentioned that Danica does not see [me] for who [I am] but for who she wants [me] to be: a matter and place of convenience. This upset her a bit, and so I offered that I had not been very objective in the entry Blondzila was commenting on.

Certain Uncertainty

I also told Danica, however, Not to toot my own horn, but you really don’t know what you’ve given up. This made her stop what she was doing and look at me. (Later, during another short conversation in the kitchen, Danica was crying and told me that I had said someting really snyde earlier, but that she couldn’t remember what it was and didn’t want to be reminded of it. My only guess is that this is what she was referring to.)

After a few moments, she then said, You know, I could say you don’t know what I’ve found. I assume she was talking about her oh-so-wonderful relationship with Randy. This struck me as yet another waffling lack of conviction. I have literally lost track of the number of times she has told me completely contradictory things about her relationship with Randy in just the past week as I’ve been blogging about all this.

If I were really an asshole, I would publish some of the very recent things she’s said to me about him and about their relationship. However, considering the fact that I’ve linked to Randy’s site and will probably be showing up in his referrer logs, (and, of course, if he’s technically savvy enough to know what this means) I will decline to relay the specifics about what Danica has said to me in this regard. Suffice it to say that the fact that I’m not willing to publish them here for fear of Randy’s eyes and what it might mean to Danica if he saw them says a lot about what I’ve heard her say.

(Of course, ask the girl about this directly and there will be an attempt to force the square peg into the circular hole. It will undoubtedly be successful. Naturally, it will also destroy the corners of the square peg.)

Anyway, when she implied that her relationship with Randy was something special, I replied, What you’ve found? I don’t believe you even for one minute. You’ve been so contradictory that I can’t believe anything you say anymore. Rather, the fact that you’ve been contradicting yourself so much says far more to me than the actual words which come out of your mouth. So I don’t believe one word of that, not even a little bit.

She didn’t respond, and we stopped talking for a while. Eventually, one of us changed the subject. I think it was changed to Irish Creme coffee from Gevalia. Danica really wanted to try some, but considering the copious amounts of coffee we had opened and not yet finished, I wasn’t really ecstatic about breaking the seal.

Money, Money, Money

She said she’d pay me back for it, and since I’ve been trying to go to the gym to work out lately, I wasn’t going to be drinking much coffee anyway. I agreed, and we attacked the Irish Creme coffee pack with a pair of scissors. We also noted that she had not yet paid me back for her Mocha or her Mocha Java brews, and that with the addition of this Irish Creme pack, she now owes me $18.65 for the coffees.

She told me that she would pay me some time ago, and I had even completely forgot that she even owed me any money for the coffees. Then she told me that she’d get me the money before she left for Randy’s tonight (she has another movie date and is spending the night at his place again).

Unfortunately, by the time she was getting ready to go see Randy, Danica was cranky and did not want to have to run out to the ATM to get my twenty bucks. I told her to forget about it, and she seemed to appreciate that. Here’s hoping she follows through and gets the money to me tomorow (er, today) like she said she would.

Earlier in the evening, she had mentioned that she might want to take the shelves from above our couch to her new apartment with her. This would leave me shelfless on one side of the living room, and would mean I no longer have a place to keep my DVD‘s or VHS tapes. Nevertheless, especially after she mentioned the she had paid for those shelves, I told her to feel free to take them. I would simply have to buy new shelves.

Of course, I couldn’t help but bring up the fact that she had not yet paid me back for her share of the mattress I bought for us only last month (as just one of the many examples I can come up with off the top of my head). It was $400, plus delivery, plus a seventy-something dollar mattress pad that she had insisted I buy. She told me she’d pay me back for that.

Um, that never happened either. So all in all I spent over $500 (with my parents’ generous help) on a bed for the bedroom (not counting the actual platform bedframe itself that cost upwards of $1,000) which I have had to eat the cost of in full. This very quickly stopped conversation about the pair of $30 shelves she wanted to take with her.

Still, I told her to feel free to take the shelves anyway. She told me she’d buy the mattress off me if it fit her new bedframe, and while I appreciated the offer, that was just not a practical solution. What was I going to do for a bed? I got that mattress at a great price (it was originally a $750 mattress!) and could not afford to risk spending more money, despite the fact that this mattress is somewhat softer than I prefer. (She likes soft beds, I like firm beds, so this mattress is somewhere in the middle.)

Evening: Blogging, Laundry, and Back Home Alone

Thankfully, there was no real fighting going on between us at all. I’ve been doing my best to just not talk about hair-trigger issues, and so has she. I spent the early evening blogging about Gevalia Kaffe’s poor hypertext copy, and then prepared another batch of laundry (beddings) to do at my mom’s.

While there, I got my laundry done, helped my mother purchase airline tickets on American Airlines’ web site, and gave her some advice at her request on which mutual funds she should be investing her pension in. (Um, don’t ask.) My mother made me some tahini for dinner which I ate alongside a cup of chamomile tea and Rold Gold® pretzels for dinner.

I also got to watch some television as my mother worked on some of her things on her computer. I have to say, living at home without television service is sometimes extremely difficult. Most notably, on lonely nights like these, there is really no distraction from my own thoughts, no way to “veg out,” escape, or otherwise occupy my mind.

I think that’s one thing that’s been making these nights especially hard on me. The irony of it all is that one of my ulterior motives for abolishing the cable television service was to spend more time with Danica. Both of us would often get lost watching TV, but not lost together.

It was past midnight by the time I left my mother’s house. I brought the previous night’s load of laundry back with me, along with my new Squash racquet that my mother purchased for me with her Modell’s awards points (I’m looking forward to playing with my uncle next weekend) and the newly-laminated packet of Japanese language vocabulary cards I made back when I was studying the language. (I’m looking forward to putting them up around the house again.)

Well, gee, I think that’s all of it for today. I am planning on going to the gym with my mother tomorrow, since my sinuses are feeling a little better. I also have a ton of email to respond to that I “haven’t gotten around to” yet, tons of housework is still waiting for me, and then there’s the money stuff.

But I don’t want to think about any of this right now. One day at a time, I suppose. One hour at a time.