Ups and Downs and Everything In Between

I have been staving off a valley in my mood cycle for a while now. That is, I’ve been trying to and have been cycling rather noticably in the past two weeks. I have felt the echoes of very familiar demons inside my head.

Earlier today, after I spent the day at the Bronx Zoo, my moods took a dip and I felt my head begin to spiral out of control. I feel like I’m drowning…like falling into black ooze, I later told Sara. It’s frustrating; I’m so still and quiet on the outside and I’m screaming on the inside. And then I’m screaming at myself, telling myself to talk so that other people around me—so that you—can understand me. …It’s hard to talk or to move. I feel like stone.

I see no way for me to do that moment justice by describing it. Frozen, I squeezed her hand when she passed by to check on me. She stayed with me for the next half hour telling me a story until I could speak again.

Thank you, love.

Some excerpts for a search for “have money” on 43 Things:

• not have to worry about money (30 people)
• have more money (16 people)
• Have enough money (11 people)
• have a lot of money (8 people)
• Have enough money, to not worry about having enough money (7 people)
• never have to worry about money (4 people)
• have money to give away (3 people)
• have money in savings (2 people)
• have my own money (2 people)
• have lots of money to spend (2 people)
• have more money in the bank (2 people)
• Have freedom AND money (1 person)
• work and have money (1 person)
• have money to splurge (1 person)
• have loads of money (1 person)
• […]I admit it
  is a pity to have money as an ideal in your l[ife…] (1 person)
• have enough money that we don’t have to worry anymore about doctor bills. (1 person)
• have time and money to travel (1 person)
• have oodles of money in the bank (1 person)
• have more money than i can spend (2 people)
• have money enough to live well (2 people)
• have money to bless people (1 person)
• have no money problems (1 person)
• always have spare money (1 person)
• have no worry about money (1 person)
• have enough money for me and my family (1 person)
• Have enough money for college (1 person)
• have enough money to be happy~ (1 person)
• make money without having a job (1 person)
• Have a better attitude to money (1 person)
• have lots of money to buy games (1 person)
• go parachute jumping (if I ever have the money ;p) (1 person)
• have an idea to make big money (1 person)
• have extra money to shop with. (1 person)
• Have suffient money all the time (1 person)
• not have to worry about money anymore (1 person)
• not have to worry about the lack of money (1 person)
• Have enough money to travel the world (1 person)
• have more money than I know what to do with (2 people)
• do not have to think about money (1 person)
• Have enough money to accomplish my goals (1 person)
• have money enough to sponsor my kids (1 person)
• Have enough money to live comfortably (1 person)
• always have more than enough money to do what I want to do and have enough free time to enjoy it (1 person)
• save money to have the wedding of my dreams (1 person)
• have more money to accomplish my plans (1 person)
• make better money and have a nice house (1 person)
• Have money to help people less fortunate than me (1 person)
• have lots of money (to aid process of [my] goals[…]) (1 person)
• have money for my family and be happy with my life (1 person)
• have enough money to buy whatever I want (1 person)
• make enough to never have to worry about money (1 person)
• have money to buy all the books that i want (1 person)
• have money to pay all my bills forever (1 person)
• take care of my mother when i have enough money (1 person)
• Always have enough money to buy a book (1 person)
• i want to not have to worry about money, ever (1 person)
• Save money for a car. (1 person)
• control money better (1 person)
• win a lot of money (1 person)
• Not need money (1 person)
• Actually Save Money (1 person)
• not running out of money (1 person)
• Make money from mixes (1 person)
• make money to travel (1 person)
• make money after retirement (1 person)
• not stress out about money (1 person)
• save money for the summer (1 person)
• Earn money for a laptop (1 person)
• save money for guitar (1 person)
• earn money myself (1 person)

Deer Dear Lord, there were fireworks and margaritas and sail boats and hiking trails and campfires and smores and kissing and video games and swimming and jumping on trampolines and lobsters and cats and bus rides and seagull attacks and driving and oh so many new memories.

I had an amazing week.