Everything In Between

I thought I’d write an update to this ongoing saga with HP’s terrible customer service department. If you need a refresher, be sure to read the whole story from the beginning.

So when I last updated this tale, I had been trying to get in touch with Iano, a Quality Case Manager at Hewlett-Packard. I had left him numerous voicemails, and even spoke with someone who appeared to be his secretary, but no luck. To this day, I still have not heard from him.

So after a few more times demanding that he give me a call back so I can learn how to return my $129.04 battery (now useless, since I have no more HP laptop, and will probably never buy another one ever again), I filed a Better Business Bureau complaint against HP. The complaint paraphrases the salient points of a letter I wrote to HP’s customer relations department. The letter reads as follows (identifying information somewhat censored):

To whom it may concern at HP’s Customer Relations Department:

I am, unfortunately, writing to express my frustrations over the recent service and (lack of) support I have received from your company. What is now months ago, I sent my HP Pavillion ze4800us notebook computer (serial number XXX, model number PC768AV) in for repair at one of your service centers due to consistently recurring system-wide crashes. This, after I had already been experiencing horrendously poor battery life (the notebook was less than two years old and was hardly giving me a 15 minute charge under near-idle load), a failure of the HP-installed hard drive, and a number of software issues caused or exaggerated by the default HP-installed system drivers and update programs. I got so fed up that I eventually uninstalled them all, which left my HP notebook (with all its special buttons) stripped of many of its bullet-pointed features.

Yet, I digress. After I called your TotalCare support line, the agent created a repair case for me (case number ### associated with order number XXX) and told me a box would be delivered to my apartment with instructions on how to proceed. I also ordered from him a replacement battery (order number XXX), because he said that was my only route for solving the issues of the extremely short battery life my notebook was experiencing. I was not pleased with spending an additional $129.04 on this in addition to my $322.96 computer repair, but ultimately ordered the battery anyway, expecting to replace my existing battery when my computer returned from repair. When the two boxes arrived I followed the directions and I placed my computer in the box, arranged for a FedEx employee to pick up the delivery, and waited.

A week went by without any word. Anxious, I checked the support web site for any updated information on the status of my repair, but there was none available. I checked again the following week, assuming the repair could take some time as the phone support agent I spoke with told me that may be the case. However, there was still no information.

I finally decided to call your TotalCare support representatives again. When I got through, I gave the agent my case number (mentioned previously), and was subsequently put on hold for over 45 minutes. As I did not have the time that day to wait for your phone agents to pick up the telephone, (I had already been on the phone for an hour by this point) I hung up and called again some time later. By now, it had been nearly a month since I had been without my computer (though much longer since the last time it had been working “properly”).

Suffice it to say that after several more phone calls that followed this pattern and after receiving yet another case number (this one was ###), and another week without my computer or any word from HP on what had gone so ludicrously wrong during this repair process, I was contacted by one of your Quality Case Managers, named Iano.

He explained to me that what appears to have happened is that FedEx never delivered, nor even picked up, my computer and that it appears to have been stolen. Fearing something like this was a possibility when I spoke to your TotalCare representative the first time I called, I had asked that agent directly, as well as each successive agent I encountered, what HP’s policy was in the case of such an event. Every single one assured me, without fail, that, and I quote, “Not to worry, HP will take care of the value of the laptop.” I must have heard that phrase more than 10 times during my phone calls, so I was fairly confident that Iano would be able to reimburse or otherwise replace the product.

Unfortunately, I was very upset when he told me that reimbursement or replacement was not an option because the laptop, according to all records HP had, was probably stolen, not lost. Frankly, I consider a laptop which may have been stolen very much lost, but this reasoning seemed to fall on deaf ears. His suggestion was to take the matter up with FedEx, with whom I am currently in the process of filing a claim.

While I can ultimately understand a company’s policies such as those Iano was explaining to me (I happen to work in the customer service and technology industries myself for another major OEM), this letter is about customer service, not policy. Iano, while polite, was extremely unhelpful, giving me no options to pursue other than to seek help elsewhere, and has since become completely unavailable to my multiple additional attempts to get in touch with him since that first phone call. I have left voicemail after voicemail on his line and have not so much as received a single call back from him or anyone at HP.

And why am I calling so insistently? Because I still have that battery I paid 129 dollars and 4 cents for sitting on my desk, for which I have no computer to place it into. The only time I managed to get through to a human when I tried reaching Iano (who had given me his direct line at 1-877-917-4380 ext. 94, option 1, and invited me to call back), it was a polite-sounding lady who seemed to be a secretary. Nevertheless, I took the opportunity to ask her about the situation with my battery. She told me I’d have to speak to Iano and that she’d forward me to his voicemail. So I left yet another message. It’s now been yet another several weeks since I’ve begun trying to reach Iano and I still have not received a single contact, phone, email, postal mail, or otherwise.

Let me put this bluntly when I say that this kind of non-response from someone who is supposed to be a “Quality Case Manager” is completely brand-shattering. It says to me in no uncertain terms that at least this department in Hewlett-Packard does not even care enough about its customers to return the courtesy of a phone call. I am bewildered, angered, and disappointed at the kind of so-called support such a company’s customer service department has shown, and will seriously reconsider any HP purchase I will ever need again.

In the mean time, I am still trying to reach Iano (or anybody at HP Customer Relations) and return this battery for which I have no machine. It seems HP is all too eager to sell me things like batteries and repair service, (the first phone agent I spoke with even tried to convince me my notebook was “definitely experiencing a hardware problem and needs to be sent for service” before even asking me a single troubleshooting question), but cares little whether or not I actually get any use out of these purchases. I have better places to spend my money and, more importantly, my time, and I am continuously growing more and more upset with HP for leading me through this incredible time-wasting ordeal that began with my purchase of the HP Pavillion notebook.

I ask now yet again, how can I return this battery and get my money back? It has never been opened; the tape around the cardboard box has not even been stripped. I would very much appreciate an answer to this remarkably simple question.

Additionally, please be advised that I am forwarding this letter to the following publications, as well as reporting these incidents to the Better Business Bureau.

1. ArsTechnica
2. About.com Computer Reviews
3. CNet
4. AnandTech
5. PCMagazine

Thank you,
-Meitar Moscovitz

Finally, several days later, I recieved a call from a woman who identified herself only as Ginger from HP’s Corporate Office (apparently, either Hewlett-Packard employees have no last names or they’re afraid of some kind of retribution, which doesn’t surprise me anymore) saying that she would be willing to refund the cost I paid for the battery, but that’s all she could do. She asked for a proof of purchase to be faxed to her at her office fax number (which seems sort of silly, since I know they know I purchased and paid for the darned thing). No worries, I saved the receipt I was emailed so I faxed that, along with a short cover letter demanding my money back, to the number she provided. It’s now approaching another week later and I’ve heard nothing at all since then.

But wait. There’s more. I spent tonight going over my finances for the past month (something I routinely do to keep things on record and in order, a lesson I’m glad to have learned), when I noticed something rather strange near the end of August. I came across a charge (that is, a debit transaction) from my checking account paid to “HP RETURN REPAIR” for $107.28 on August the 21^st. There was no more information other than that.

If you take a look at the timeline of these events, you’ll note that this charge was posted to my account well after my computer went missing and I had been calling in for status updates. Is this a repair charge? It doesn’t match the quote I was given by the agent on the phone. Is this a cancellation charge? If so, that’s outrageous. What is it? I have no idea. Naturally, with far less of a patient tone, I immediately picked up the phone and called Iano. I once again demanded a call back from him, an explanation of the charge, and a refund.

And that is where things stand. So that’s that. I’m pretty much a devoted anti-HP customer. Unless I’m buying a 6 dollar pack of paper (which seems to be about the only thing they can support properly), I’m never buying an HP product again.

Had this not come right on the heels of my HP customer service debacle I probably wouldn’t of thought too much of it, but I can’t help but be struck by it today. It’s August 27^th, and my banking card is set to expire at the end of this month. I’ve been aware of this ever since I got my card because it has the expiration date printed right there in big numbers on the front of the card.

So last month, in the middle of July, I called my bank up and I asked them, “Since my banking card will expire at the end of August, how do I get a new one?”

And they very politely told me, “Don’t worry, we’ll send you a new one.”

“Great,” I said. “When will I get it?”

“Well,” the friendly bank representative told me, “We normally ship them a few weeks before the card expires. If I were you, I’d call back in August and ask again at that time.”

So everything seemed to be taken care of. I went about my July and when August rolled around, I called the bank again. It was August 10^th, and I spoke to someone I hadn’t spoken to before from my bank. I asked him the same questions as before and was told that it seemed my card was to be shipped to me tomorrow, the 11^th and that I’ll be getting the card in a week or two.

Now it’s the 27^th and I still don’t have my card. So I called my bank up again. “Hello,” I said in what I tried to make a pleasant tone of voice, “I’m calling because I was told twice before that I’d be recieving a replacement banking card for the one I currently have, which is going to expire in what’s become a mere 4 days. Where is the replacement?”

After asking for my name and information, the very friendly banking representative said, “That’s strange,” which made me roll my eyes in what, if she could only see me, she would have to perceive as the ultimate expression of the opposite of shock. “I don’t know why you were told we had shipped you a replacement card,” she began, “because I’m only showing a classic card being issued. Not shipped.”

“A classic card?” I ask, still trying to maintain that pleasant tone of voice.

“It’s a card you can only use at an ATM,” the friendly representative explains to me.

“Ah. That’s not going to work for me,” I tell her.

“No, I imagined not,” she replies, and without missing a beat continues, “so, um, le me see if…uhm, could you hold on for just a second, Sir?”

I oblige her (what else would I do?) and wait for a few minutes. The hold music plays. I’m actually impressed by the selection. It’s a jazz rendition that reminds me of some Thelonious Monk track I have in my iTunes library but can’t remember the name. Afterall, how many companies do you know would put jazz music on the line as they put customers on hold? Well, in case you don’t know what to answer or don’t feel like doing the research to find out, thanks to my recent experiences, I can tell you that very few departments of very few companies choose jazz as their hold music.

But I digress. The friendly banking representative finally returns some minuets later and, after thanking me for holding, tells me, “So, I do apologize because your card hasn’t been shipped yet so I’ve gone ahead and issued you a new card right now—it’s a Visa card because that’s what everyone’s moving to these days—and you should have it by the first because I’ve also shipped it by airbill.”

I thanked her very much for her efforts, but didn’t tell her that I’ll be calling back tomorrow anyway because I have no way, except for her friendly nature, of knowing for sure that she actually did anything that she said she did, especially considering the previous two friendly representatives I spoke to must either be confused, illiterate, vindictive, and/or completely incompetent at their job, which in these instances was to simply tell me what their banks records said.

Let this account stand with all the other multitudes of similar stories I’m sure are out there.

Back in the beginning of July my HP Pavillion ze4800us notebook, which I had owned for a little over a year and a half, begun experiecing very frequent Windows Stop errors. If it had not been that it was the second time in a mere few months that this problem surfaced, I probably wouldn’t have thought too much of it. As it had already had its hard drive replaced once before, however, I was sure something else was wrong with the computer.

So, not expecting much, I called HP’s technical support line which they euphemistically call “HP Total Care” and spoke to a tech support rep with such a heavy Indian accent I could barely understand him. He called himself “Gautam,” and, after listening to my trouble, was strangely eager to point out that something was indeed wrong with my notebook and that we could send it to get repaired for a flat-rate, “limited-time offer” of about 330 dollars.

This was the first thing I found very strange. Why would a tech support representative dismiss all troubleshooting questions and insist that in fact my computer which his company makes is broken? Regardless, we decided to move ahead with the repair, so he said he would be shipping me a box.

As a side note, I also asked him about the horrendously low (read, less than twenty minutes) of battery life my notebook was getting, and he told me I’d need a new battery. So I ordered one of those for 129 dollars separately.

The next day, when the shipping material arrived, I drafted up the following note to the technicians who would be working on the machine. I even added pictures. The note read:

HP Technicians, Please Read

I am writing this short memo to whomever may open this packaging in order to help ensure the receipt and understanding of my requests. I feel this action necessary and thank you for taking the time to read this notice.

My HP Pavillion ze4800us computer (enclosed) is being shipped to you for repair. As I described over the phone to an HP Total Care representative who called himself “Gautam,” my machine was repeatedly and frequently experiencing Windows XP stop errors such as the one shown at right. In the photo, a PAGE_FAULT_IN_NONPAGED_AREA stop error is shown, although this is just one of many of Windows’s stop errors which I was frequently experiencing. Additionally, and more worrisome, is the video distortion evident in the photograph.

As I also explained to “Gautam,” this is not the first time my HP Pavillion notebook had been experiencing such frequent errors. Months prior, a very similar situation arose and so, after some diagnosis, I replaced the internal hard drive with another one I had purchased. This seemed to abate the problem for a short while, however the issue has since returned and so I can obviously not accept that the hard drive is to blame this time. As such, and as instructed by the Hewlett-Packard Notebook Packaging and Return Instructions I received with my FedEx packing material that reads, and I quote: Remove any third party (non-HP) accessories that you installed yourself. Please remove all the parts, accessories, cables, etc. that either came in the box with your product, or that you installed yourself. The HP Repair Facility is structured to repair your notebook only. HP cannot guarantee the return of accessories (Such as internal drives, sound cards or keyboards) sent to us in error. (emphasis added), I have removed the replacement internal hard drive that I installed those months ago.

Please be prepared for this as you disassemble the computer. The four hard drive screws and the ATA connector cap is attached to the hard drive bracket with tape.

Additionally, because I fear the packaging material sent to me may provide insufficient protection to the notebook computer during shipping, I have included on this page three (3) photographs of the computer in the condition I am sending it to the repair facility in. Please notify me immediately should the machine arrive at your facility in any condition other than that shown.

Once again, thank you for taking the time to read this. I look forward to hearing your diagnosis of the computer shortly.

I then call FedEx and arrange to have the package picked up from my apartment. The FedEx representative I spoke with over the phone instructed me to leave the sealed and labelled box outside my apartment building’s front door so that the FedEx pickup agent could retrieve it. So that’s what I did. I taped the box up with my note to the HP technicians and my notebook inside, and the next morning I placed the package inside the unlocked double-doors of my apartment building.

Several weeks go by. I’m not worried yet because Guatam told me the repair could take anywhere between a week or two. In the mean time, I check up on the status of the repair on HP’s web site with the order number Guatam provided me with, but no information shows up. This, though concerning, is also not when I get worried because during my conversation with Gautam he told me the entire package would be insured and HP would take care of the value of the notebook should anything go wrong. (He also said I would not be charged for the repair if no hardware trouble was found in the notebook, but as we’ll see later, this point is moot.)

Another week goes by and I still see no updated information or hear anything from HP. So I decide to call them up again. This time I speak with another very obviously Indian man who calls himself Mike. I give him my order number and name and wait. Every few moments he thanks me for waiting and explains that he is looking up my case information.

Finally, he says he needs to transfer me somewhere else, and to please hold on for a minute. So I do. In fact, I hold on for more than 40 minutes (longer, really, since I only started keeping track when I looked at the clock). By this time, due to the fact that I actually have a life and can not spend it waiting for HP to pick up the phone, I need to go so I hang up. When I next have a 40-minute long “minute” to wait for HP, I call again. Once again, I give the rep my name and order number, I wait for him to “look up my information” and then he asks me to hold on, because he needs to transfer me.

So I do, only shortly thereafter he returns on the line and says that he needs to give me a new case number and that a Quality Case Manager will give me a call back. (I guess this means I wasn’t speaking to anyone with any quality since now.) He also tells me that he has contacted FedEx and a representative of theirs should be in touch with me as well. It turns out he has no record of my notebook ever arriving at an HP repair center. When I ask him what my recourse is if the notebook was lost, he aligns with Gautam, the first HP rep I spoke with and says, Not to worry, HP will take care of the value of the notebook. So that’s twice I’m told in Indian-accented English double-speak that my notebook is insured and HP will “take care of” it. (It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out where this is going.)

When I speak with the Quality Case Manager today, he very professionally (and without an Indian accent) gathers a lot of details about the situation, my name, the FedEx tracking number, the case ID, etc., and then, very slowly and carefully, tells me there’s nothing he can do because since FedEx doesn’t have a record of ever having picked up the package, and HP doesn’t have a record of ever having the notebook in their posession, it was probably stolen and the warranty or insurance don’t cover that.

My only recourse, he explains, is to fax him a police report indicating a stolen laptop so that he can flag it as stolen. When pressured about the fact that two of HP’s customer service reps told me point-blank that HP would take of the value of the notebook, he clarifies their statement by saying the package is insured for only 100 dollars and only if the package were already in transit, i.e., after pickup.

Now, I’m blessed with the unique understanding of this situation that comes from being employed in the customer service and technology worlds, so I am intimately familiar with the rules of policy. What truly frustrates me, however, is that I asked two separate HP customer service phone reps point-blank, “If no one can find the package, what will happen?” and each one told me the same thing: “HP would take care of the value of the notebook.” This, unfortunately, is a half-truth thanks to the loophole of having the package be stolen.

As an aside, the fact that I now have in my posession a $129 battery for a computer that I don’t have that I have to speak to the Quality Case Manager in order to get returned—probably because I’m outside of their normal return policy (and one wonders why)—is kind of like pouring salt on the wound.

So the conclusion I draw from this is that HP’s Indian customer service reps are liars who are probably trained to cleverly omit the whole truth when dealing with customers. That’s good to know the next time you think about purchasing an HP product.

Yesterday, after playing a game of Squash with my uncle, I hopped into the nearest electronics store in search of three things.

• An external hard drive with FireWire.
• An USB to PS/2 adapter.
• A PCMCIA (aka “CardBus”) wireless card.

I walked to a sales representative and first asked for the hard drive. He walked me over to a shelf and showed me the few remaining items in stock. None had FireWire capability, and they were sold out of enclosures so I couldn’t make my own external drive by purchasing an internal one.

Next, I asked about the USB to PS/2 adapters they had. We walked to another shelf, he showed me the only item of the sort they carry and then apologized for the lack of options when I balked at the ridiculously exorbitant price. ($25.99 for a simple cable adapter is silly.) Thanks, but no thanks, I said, I’ll check online.

Finally, I asked about WiFi cards. This time, we headed over to several shelves packed to the brim with different options. The cards I was interested in were the so-called CardBus cards that fit into a PCMCIA slot on laptops. There were an abundance of different cards, each with similar capabilities. There were NetGear cards, LinkSys cards, D-Link cards and more.

As we approached, the salesman picked up a LinkSys card and handed the box to me. I took it and started reading the feature set.

• Wireless PCMCIA CardBus ethernet adapter.
• Supports 801.11b/g (“up to 54 Mbps!”).
• WEP and WPA-enabled.
• Runs on Windows 2000, XP, ME, and 98SE.
• Price: > $70.00.

Anything cheaper? I asked. The salesman turned to the shelf, picked up a D-Link card and handed it to me. I read the feature set of the D-Link card.

• Wireless PCMCIA CardBus ethernet adapter.
• Supports 801.11b/g (“up to 54 Mbps!”).
• WEP and WPA-enabled.
• Runs on Windows 2000, XP, ME, and 98SE.
• Price: < $60.00.

What’s the difference between this one and that one? I asked him.

The LinkSys is the better brand, the salesperson told me.

Better brand? There I was in the store, holding a box in my left hand and a box in my right. Inside each was a little piece of hardware, each of which claimed to perform the same exact function in the same exact way. Both boxes were the same shape and the same weight. One box was a light blue with a white logo while the other a dark blue with a yellow logo.

What do you mean a ‘better brand’? I asked.

It, um, works better. Sometimes you have connectivity issues with the cheaper one, the salesperson stumbled.

They both do the same thing, though, I insisted, reading off the identical feature sets of both boxes.

But the better brand works better.

Why?

At this point, the salesperson started rephrasing and recycling his previous statements that the better brand meant better reliability. It was a matter of trust; if I had not been tech-savvy, I would probably have paid for the supposed extra reliability of the more expensive card. Since I have no fears on the matter, I did not need to trust the card or the manufacturer—I already trusted myself to get it to work.

So what’s in a brand name? Perceived quality. The keyword here is the former, perceieved. As it turns out I purchased the less expensive card and had no problems whatsoever.