W-h-e-r-e-a-r-e-y-o-u-?

I went to my father’s tonight after having an argument (of sorts) with Danica. While there, I wanted to show him how VNC works. He didn’t quite believe the screenshot I put here. That’s understandable, really, because for the uninitiated VNC in action is one of those things you have to see to believe.

Anyway, I SSHed into my computer from my dad’s house and started up my VNC client. Danica, still at home, saw my computer come to life. I logged in, and just for the sake of showcasing VNC’s capabilities, opened Mail.

That’s when TextEdit opened (as far as I was aware) of its own accord. But then, text started appearing on the screen, one character a time:

Mei,

Where are you?

I realized that Danica was trying to reach me, so I wrote back.

I’m at my dad’s house.

When will you be home?

Not sure. I was sort of hoping the iMac would fall asleep because I want to test the WOL packets.

But, I can be home soon.

No, it’s okay–do what you need to do. I’ve been hampering your work all day. I’m sure you’re eager to get to it. Sorry for bothering you.

Don’t worry — it hasn’t been any bother, you know that. I’ve not been doing some of the work because there isn’t anything specific to do. Yet.

=) Guess I’ll see you later.

Are you okay there now?

It’s been hard. I have no one to talk to. Alma hung up about two minutes after you left. (She had a date.) I spent a while scrolling down the list of names on my phone. The only good thing to come of it was a meeting over coffee tomorrow with Jeff. But he’ll talk to me tomorrow. So, no one tonight.

I’m sorry — you don’t feel like you can talk to me tonight?

I’d be lying if I said that it wasn’t a mistake to send you away. There is nothing I would like more than to be in your arms.

I’ll come home soon. (Or sooner if you’d like.) I’d like a hug too.

Please come home.

I’ll be there in 5 minutes.

Thank you.

I love you. See you soon.

I saved the document (still on my Mac), and came home. It was actually somewhat surreal, though I attribute that partially the heavy emotional context to which it relates. Apparently Danica had been trying to reach me on my cell phone but she wasn’t getting through. (T-Mobile sucks.) Yet another use for this technology.

Through the conversation, I was reminded of the intense frustration and confusion I used to feel when I was swept up in a whirlwind of emotion without the slightest idea as to why I felt the way I did. My father reminded me to remain nonjudgmental. I try to, and I think I manage to do that. I know what it’s like to feel that way, so I have a lot of compassion and patience for it.

2 replies on “W-h-e-r-e-a-r-e-y-o-u-?”

  1. It is as amazing as it is fitting, I feel, that you are “confronted” with this dillema from this vantage point. I recall wondering at times in the past, if you will ever experience and understand what I (and others, no less close and loving than me) had “to endure”. It is quite a mental workout. Keep at it and you’ll get better and better. At your age, I would have crumbled. You are amazing.

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