Stay awake and dream

Wow. I’m having an incredible amount of trouble staying awake today. Yesterday, too. I’m not sure what’s up exactly but I’m going to take the obvious assumption as fact right now in that I am very, very tired. It’s been weeks (literally) since I’ve gotten a single night’s rest with more than 5 hours of sleep. I definitely need a chunk of restful time to get some of my energy back.

I have a number of personal projects that I’m working on and would love to have the energy for, so feeling like I’m exhausted all the time is beginning to wear thin. Yesterday I had a lot of fun going rock climbing at the City Climber’s Club with Sara and another couple of friends but it completely wore me out. I’m still feeling the exhaustion today. On the flip side, however, it feels so good to experience that kind of fun (and social!) work out at a gym again. I forgot how much I missed that.

The job craziness and apathy things might also be contributing to my lack of energy, because I find myself spending time searching job boards and talking to recruiters rather than focusing my downtime on things like adding features to my programs.

Just a bit earlier today actually, I was speaking to a colleague of mine about exactly that. He’s interested in moving away from the IT industry because, he says, he’s not interested in using computers for the sake of computing but rather using computers as tools to create something else. I wholeheartedly agree. There’s very little interesting things about computers themselves. The reason they’re attractive to me is how good they are at enabling other things to come into existence, and what makes me passionate about them is the fact that I can be extremely expressive through the medium (ala, web development and design).

Certainly, however, it is important and infinitely helpful to have operational skill with the tool you use to create something in order to enable you to create something better. Case in point, in web development, it is my designer friends who are constantly asking me operations questions like “How do I create a redirect on Apache for all but one file,” or things like that. The fact that I have had the administration experience to be able to do this means I can create a better-implemented web site than most of them, however we are both driven by the same interests: to express our creativity using chosen medium.

So, y’know…I’d like to be able to find some way of making that desire self-sustaining and financially viable. Here’s hoping this upcoming trip to Seattle proves fruitful in that regard.