It’s way too late to be writing anything of substance, but I’ll give a hollow update a shot and see where it goes.
On the job front, I made my quitting decision final when I declined two offers from my current employer to transfer departments that they made in order to try to keep me in the organization. While flattering and certainly nothing to sneeze at, especially considering one of the positions sounded to be truly workplace location agnostic, I just wasn’t sold on the transfer idea and so reaffirmed my decision to quit.
I’ve already gotten another offer for a position at a company based out of Seattle, Washington and I’ve even got other recruiters hot on my tail. The Seattle job has similar benefits, salary, and work, with the notable exception that the culture is apparently (though not evidently) a lot more laid back. The interviewers with whom I spoke when I interviewed there were all dressed in jeans and t-shirts. One even had a black hoody on.
Taking that job offer, however, means moving—and comitting—to Seattle as my home, and that position as my job. While I’m excited about the idea of moving to Seattle, this possibility is very much dependant on whether or not Sara gets in to the University of Washington in Seattle. Also, after further brewing, I’m having second thoughts about any reasonably comittal job position right now that is not utterly dreamy (such as, for instance, a job at Google). I’m not sure how that’s going to pan out.
Emotionally, today was very hard. I am finding myself dealing with disappointment more often than I would have liked, in a couple of different areas. (Although, it would be unfair not to acknowledge the very good things that happened today, as well.) I suppose this is “just the way life is,” but a part of me can’t help but wonder what I can do about it. Maybe I can change my expectations, or my stance on some things, or my ideas of certain meanings. That could work, but aren’t these sorts of things the very nature of what makes me who I am? That, in turn, begs the question Sara’s been pushing me to answer lately, and I’ve already been giving this a lot of thought for a while.
Ultimately, am I even capable of happiness? And, god, what if I’m not? I think I am. What happened today wasn’t anybody’s fault. That’s just life…. I think I’m rambling to myself. Not the best thing to do at 5:40 in the morning. Perhaps it’s time for bed.