A short primer on understanding me

I’ve recently been asked to explain my behavior a number of times to people I don’t know very well. I’m aware that I can be perplexing because I simply don’t follow many doctrines of culturally-approved behavior. In many cases, I don’t react in ways you’d expect, and sometimes that can be disorienting, or even terrifying.

So, if you want to interact with me in a meaningfully positive way, here’s a very brief primer on what you need to know and do.

First, take my “How you can hire me” statements as axiomatic. Those three paragraphs too long? Didn’t read? Summarized, it basically states you can’t hire me:

I don’t:

  • work for money,
  • sign contracts or make any kind of exchange agreements, or
  • work on anything proprietary.

I do:

  • enjoy the company of cats,
  • want to be supported for, not denigrated for or argued with about the above, and
  • feel happiest when collaborating with people on inspiring projects whose integrity is evident to me.

If you’re seeking a relationship such as a friendship that’s more “personal” and not “about work,” you need to understand that the distinction you’re making is completely foreign to me. This means my friends are my collaborators and my collaborators are my friends. If you are not willing to collaborate with me I will not consider you a friend, although if you are not willing to be my friend I may very well still utilize your works in my own if I find value in them whether you like it or not.

For more information about how to navigate a personal and especially emotional social space with me, please read and ask questions about my Maymay Manual.

Finally, be aware that regardless of how close we are, policing my tone when I express myself in any medium or otherwise trying to control my behavior by leveraging social capital (such as an appeal to protect one’s reputation, either my own or yours) or any cultural authority (such as common rules of etiquette) will very quickly destroy any positive relationship we have.

I am a very open book. I have very little patience for people who try to understand me by only asking me uninformed questions instead of reading the book. Like, literally, I have been writing about myself and my life online on publicly accessible websites since I was 12 years old–and so have a bunch of other people, some of whom clearly do not understand me (often by their own admission) and others who I’ve confirmed do understand me. Unless you are specifically inquiring about something esoteric or that I consider private, your questions about me can be answered by an Internet search engine.

Past that, you’re always welcome to ask me anything you want. You’re just never entitled to an answer.

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