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Diary of a Journal (UPDATED as of 11/8/2002) |

That's me, right there. Okay, it's a little stylized. It was taken from a photograph of me in the summer of 1997. My father is responsible for the graphics you see on my pages. I'd just like to take this opportunity to thank him for all the time he's invested in me. He goes out of his way to make me believe that I'm worth it. By the way, if you see a graphic here that you like and would like to use on your website, feel free to borrow it. But it would be nice to tell me and my father first.

My email address is maymaynyc@hotmail.com and my father can be reached at Mosconick@aol.com.

To Tell the Truth...

I'm not really sure what I should be doing with this part of the page anymore. So much of my life has become interwoven with at least some aspect of bipolar disorder. The medicines, my computer, and for the last year, school. Now that I have dropped out of high school I have more time on my hands, but the amount of effort put into trying to live with the disorder is the same. A while ago, I might have said all my troubles were because of school. Though I'd probably just be upset. ;) The truth is, I have hardships anyhow and school was not the cause. That is not to say that it was any good for me. I still strongly believe it was better for me to drop out. On the other hand, had I not gone to school things would likely have been very different. It's hard to discern which parts were okay and which absolutely made my life miserable without any benefit whatsoever. Though I have developed a habit to instinctively reach for the latter conclusion, I keep reminding myself that there's no point in overanalyzing a situation which doesn't exist.


Yes. It took me this long to come up with an idea for this page. :)

My idea is this: for a little under one year now, I have been writing a kind of diary. It was originally an experiment. Could I actually keep a diary? I wanted to know. I had been writing a diary in the past, infrequently, by hand but I never was comfortable writing that way because of the extremely slow speed at which I was forced to write. My thoughts were never captured adequetely, as opposed to when I would type—and type fast!

So I began this diary on the computer. One thing you'll need to understand to truly understand the diary is that I was actually writing on a web site called Free Open Diary.

On this web site, members as well as viewers can read diaries of other people and respond to certain entries by leaving "notes." A friend had shown me the site and I became interested in it. As it turns out, the feedback I got encouraged me to continue and so it was easier for me to return to the site and write more.

In the following subsection, Diary of a Journal, I have copied my written Open Diary entries word-for-word, and shown them here. Next to them, I have written a kind of diary about my diary, which include thoughts and feelings I have about myself looking back on what I wrote. Each part is dated. You must notice these date differences if you are to understand the text.

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